When "I Don't Want to Say That" Becomes the Parenting Lesson

Recently, I had to go on a work trip. Normally, this means a few daily check-ins with the girls and a bedtime FaceTime to tuck them in from afar. Easy enough, right?

Well, not this time.

I was chatting with Jules and when it came time to end the call, her dad gently prompted, "Tell Mommy you'll talk to her later." Jules, without hesitation, shot back: "I don't want to say that."

Okay. Ouch. But… fine. We kept talking. Eventually, she did say goodbye, but then came round two: "Tell Mommy you love her." Her reply? A firm "I don't want to say that."

Now, I'll be honest. Part of me wanted to clutch my chest like I'd just been betrayed in the final act of a soap opera. But the other part of me had to laugh—because isn't that what we want? Kids who are so real, so unfiltered, and so unapologetically themselves that they don't perform feelings just to make us adults more comfortable?

It stung, yes, but it also reminded me that authenticity is a gift. If Jules doesn't feel like saying "I love you" in that moment, it doesn't mean she loves me any less. It means she's choosing honesty over performance, and that's something I hope she always carries with her.

So here's the parenting lesson I didn't know I needed: Sometimes the best "I love you" is the one that isn't said—because it means when it finally is said, it's real, raw, and totally hers.

Love, Gemma and Jules’s mom